GRE北圓滿分作文範文賞析
下面是一篇官方給出滿分的ARGUMENT範文，咱們來一路賞析，看看它為什麽能scored six (先讀文章，再看我的點評)
The following appeared as part of an article in a daily newspaper:
"Most companies would agree that as the risk of physical injury occurring on the job increases, the wages paid to employees should also increase. Hence it makes financial sense for employers to make the workplace safer: they could thus reduce their payroll expenses and save money."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
GRE寫作範文：
GRE首段
This argument states that it makes financial sense for employers to make the workplace safer because by making the workplace safer then lower wages could be paid to employees. This conclusion is based on the premise that as the list of physical injury increases, the wages paid to employees should also increase. However, there are several assumptions that may not necessarily apply to this argument. For example, the costs associated with making the workplace safe must outweigh the increased payroll expenses due to hazardous conditions. Also, one must look at the plausability of improving the work environment. And finally, because most companies agree that as the risk of injury increases so will wages doesn't necessarily mean that the all companies which have hazardous work environments agree.
GRE中央段1
The first issue to be addressed is whether increased labor costs justify large capital expenditures to improve the work environment. Clearly one could argue that if making the workplace safe would cost an exorbitant amount of money in comparison to leaving the workplace as is and paying slightly increased wages than it would not make sense to improve the work environment. For example, if making the workplace safe would cost $100 million versus additional payroll expenses of only $5,000 per year, it would make financial sense to simply pay the increased wages. No business or business owner with any sense would pay all that extra money just to save a couple dollars and improve employee health and relations. To consider this, a cost benefit analysis must be made. I also feel that although a cost benefit analysis should be the determining factor with regard to these decisions making financial sense, it may not be the determining factor with regard to making social, moral and ethical sense.
GRE中央段2
This argument also relies on the idea that companies solely use financial sense in analysing improving the work environment. This is not the case. Companies look at other considerations such as the negative social ramifications of high on-job injuries. For example, Toyota spends large amounts of money improving its environment because while its goal is to be profitable, it also prides itself on high employee morale and an almost perfectly safe work environment. However, Toyota finds that it can do both, as by improving employee health and employee relations they are guaranteed a more motivated staff, and hence a more efficient staff; this guarantees more money for the business as well as more safety for the employees.
GRE中央段3
Finally one must understand that not all work environments can be made safer. For example, in the case of coal mining, a company only has limited ways of making the work environment safe. While companies may be able to ensure some safety precautions, they may not be able to provide all the safety measures necessary. In other words, a mining company has limited ability to control the air quality within a coal mine and therefore it cannot control the risk of employees getting blacklung. In other words, regardless of the intent of the company, some jobs are simply dangerous in nature.
GRE末尾
In conclusion, while at first it may seem to make financial sense to improve the safety of the work environment sometimes it truly does not make financial sense. Furthermore, financial sense may not be the only issue a company faces. Other types of analyses must be made such as the social ramifications of an unsafe work environment and the overall ability of a company to improve that environment (i.e。， coal mine)。 Before any decision is made, all this things must be considered, not simply the reduction of payroll expenses.
GRE這篇官方欽定滿分的範文，其最顯著的長處在於：
1. 字數高達599words, GRE充足表現了字數為王的判分偏向。
2. 尺度的五段制，首段、GRE末尾，中央三段，看上去很美。
3. 沒有老生常談、GRE滿篇空話的模板式說話。
只有以上三點離滿分照樣很遠的，GRE之以是SIX，我看更主要的在於，每段各盡其責，既自力又同一，構成了完全的ARGUMENT，specifically:
1. 首段再現了原TOPIC的推理進程，GRE並指出其assumptions多有不適;特別令閱卷人愉快的是：首段在末了簡化枚舉了推理中的三個題目。要曉得美國人就愛好的作文---總分式，在首段就把三個ideas枚舉出來，然後在中央三段分離睜開，先總後分，一覽無余。
2. 中一的TS -- “The first issue to be addressed is whether increased labor costs justify large capital expenditures to improve the work environment.”堪稱是言必有中，一劍封喉。對付如許緊張的推理破綻，假如不起首指出，其argument必定脆弱乏力。此所謂Topic中的 “必削點”，弗成不察。
3. 中二的TS – “This argument also relies on the idea that companies solely use financial sense in analysing improving the work environment.”這堪稱是劍走偏鋒，獨辟門路，出人所料。文章居然批駁了Topic以錢為本謀劃理念，提出了要以工資本，如許寫是有必定危害，究竟這不是Issue。那本文是若何逢兇化吉的呢?且看本段末了一句“this guarantees more money for the business as well as more safety for the employees.”我忍不住長舒一口，人家再次回歸了，又回到了Topic中以“Money”為本的推理。
4. 中三的TS – “Finally one must understand that not all work environments can be made safer.”這充足表現了作者不但是坐而論道的arguer，而是關懷其可行性的實際主義者，斟酌到計劃自己的可行性和範圍性。
5. 末尾不只對首段提出的論點做出了反復性的總結，GRE並且又不厭其煩地把中央三段的ideas逐一枚舉。如斯“煩瑣”估量令某些同窗略有不齒，但這恰好是美國人的最愛，cultural shock了吧?
本文最令我觀賞之處，GRE便是對EXAMPLES的應用
1. 中央段一，應用了“設例”GRE(假如的情形)，$100 million啦、$5,000了，很稚子是吧?可美國人愛好啊;咱中國的門生，特別是理工科的，愛好用一些相稱精深的例子，有無想過那些閱卷先生能看懂嗎?特別是在極短期內，他們IQ又不高，常識又未幾，遐想又不豐碩……
2. 中央段二，應用了“具例”GRE(詳細的例子)，舉一個家喻戶曉的Toyota例子把想解釋的題目一切道出，再次表現出美國人愛好淺易易懂的事例。
3. 中央段三，應用了“泛例”GRE(某一類人、集團或構造)，經由過程采煤行業指出了籌劃可行性的所遭到的制約，一個何等樸素無華的泛例，充足地斟酌到了閱卷先生的懂得才能。
以上這統統怎能不讓美國閱卷者一再點頭，GRE嘖嘖稱善呢?他或她手中的筆在紙上劃出了一條俏麗的弧線 —— 6
相反，有些中國粹生，憑仗本身繁密的邏輯、GRE淵深的例子和雲霧圍繞的行文，往往令那些閱卷者咬唇咂舌，shrug連連，又怎能得到一個幻想的分數呢?你挑釁了他的智商，他必定抨擊你的分數。
以上便是GER頻道為你帶來GRE北圓滿分作文範文賞析，供考生參考進修。更多出色敬請連續存眷GRE頻道。
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